This process is to connect with that part of you that perhaps is not heard that often. Again, it is easier for all of us to focus on the part of us that seems to be successful or that can plow through any challenge. However, there is a part of everyone that just wants to take a rest, play without an agenda, or just be nurtured and taken care of.
STEP 1: Go to a place or create a space that feels safe to you; preferably a place where you won’t be disturbed mid-process. Think about your present circumstances. There could be an issue or concern you have. Or, you could just be curious. Whatever the reason you have for connecting with this part of you is perfect, is the right reason for you.
STEP 2: Write in your journal or on a piece of paper:
- May I talk with you?
- I am here to get to know you.
- I would like to know more about you.
- I am now here for you; whether I was a lot or a little in
the past I am more and more fully here for you.
- What do you need from me at this time?
- How can we be closer?
- How can I listen to you better?
When asking these questions internally in your own mind and in your own time you may or may not get full answers. Sometimes you won’t receive anything verbal. Perhaps, just a feeling. Stick with the process consistently. This is like any good relationship/friendship, it takes time to trust. There may be some trust issues with you and your little kid/inner child part of you. So, take the time. You are worth it.
STEP 3: Get into a comfortable relaxed position. Close your eyes. Begin focusing on your breath with your eyes closed focused on your heart-lung area. Allow your breath to slow down. Focus on you and how you are feeling. You can breathe in for a count of 3. Hold for a count of 3. Breathe out for a count of 3. Do this a few times until you feel more relaxed and focused on your inner state.
STEP 4: Ask these questions of yourself. After asking the question, focus within. Without censoring your answers, write them in your journal. Do this with each question and take as long as you like. You will know when you are finished by a feeling of neutrality and completion. You will feel a little or a lot more settled.
STEP 5: Feel free to ask as many questions as you like and to respond. This is your relationship with this inner aspect of you. Be respectful and compassionate with the information you receive. You are building trust and learning about a deeper part of you. This all takes time.
The more you invest, the better the quality of the relationship and your understanding. Love and accept yourself. This inner part has so much to share with you.
STEP 6: This is the Next Level Process. After you have developed more rapport and feel more trusting, you can begin to have a real partnership with this aspect of yourself. Write in a journal or on a piece of paper:
- What did you need when you were a child that you did not get?
- How can you now get that now?
- How can I (the healthy adult self ) provide this?
- What are you fearing now?
- Tell your little kid/inner child that you are here now- listening, hearing, acknowledging, and that you understand so much more now about her/him.
- Tell her/him that she/he deserves:
- Unconditional Love
- Safety in her/his environment
- The right to be
- The right to feel and express feelings. That all her/his feelings are ok. That she/he needs to feel ok acknowledging them. That feelings are different than actions.
- The right to be listened to, heard, acknowledged, and understood. This understanding comes from someone understanding how you could feel how you feel, or that you feel a certain way even though they may not understand it for themselves or agree that one may feel feelings and acknowledge them; yet respond or behave differently. That it is important to acknowledge and express feelings toadult self.
- The right to full self-expression, to create and express yourself.
That others may not always agree with how you are feeling, or what you think, but you are entitled to have and express your feelings.
- That you are hear now and listening working/creating together with his/her needs in consideration.
Step 7: Create comfort and safety for your inner child/little kid.
Step 8: Release fear and anxiety by listening, hearing, acknowledging, understanding and honoring this part of you. This is you. You have a responsibility to yourself to understand all parts of yourself, to understand how you feel, and perhaps why. You may not always agree with yourself, as others may not agree with you; yet you can understand and have respect/love.